mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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