u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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