can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
