just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
