No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize