Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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