Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
