Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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