If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
