question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
