We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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