I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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