is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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