now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
