They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
