I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize