so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
