Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize