dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
