Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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