He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
