is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
