I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
