Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
