can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
