why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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