Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
