i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
