Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Two words: nipple clamps
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