Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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