she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is classic penis vs brain.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
