I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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