Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
