After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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