Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
