john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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