I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize