I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
