how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
