Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
