remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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