You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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