i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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