Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
