I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
