This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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