epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
