Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
