Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
