Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
