he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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