like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mom said you looked used
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize