im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
