I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
