Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
