he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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