and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
