I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
