Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
