apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
