He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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