honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
