im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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