He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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