Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's always time for handjobs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
