i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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