To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
