i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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