grandma shit on top of the toilet
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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