I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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