Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
