her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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