Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
