Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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