i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
