I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
