My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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