:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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