You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize