We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
