Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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