Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
