I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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