It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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