Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
