can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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