remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
