I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
