Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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