If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
