we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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