they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
