in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
