Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
