Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
