break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
