They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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