Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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