So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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