I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
