My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
